Tap, taptap,tap……tap. I could not figure out what was making this little sound. Grabbing another cup of coffee, I looked out the little window next to the pot and…tap…there it was! I broke into a wide smile at what was going on outside! Dipping and flashing by the window were ladybugs dancing their awkward, gravity defying aeronautical ballet-and occasionally
slamming landing on the window…tap. These little clowns-though I am sure they are doing this in all seriousness-were a marvel to watch!
If you didn’t know they were out there you probably wouldn’t notice anything different-but once you knew they were there they were everywhere! There were a couple on the window but beyond that there were spotted specks looping and dodging through the landscape like clumsy little airships. They looked so random-no plan and then careening onto/into whatever happened to be in front of them. I kept waiting for one to pop on the window because they would land with impressive velocity for such little guys. Where were they going and what were they thinking. I sincerely hoped they were having fun because it looked like great fun!
I don’t know how long I watched them but it was long enough for my coffee to get cold-and for me to see a connection beginning to form. I felt a kinship with the ones who banged into the window. The ladybugs probably had real purpose in their landing-a search for food or something else-but it appeared that they bounced from place to place landing for a short time before moving on. Hmmm. Kinda like how I have moved through life.
I love a good yes. I look forward to new opportunities and challenges which has found me in some great situations over the last few years. OK, for the last maybe 10 years or so. I have done my best to follow where I felt I was being led and in doing so I have learned some amazing lessons, met great folks and done some interesting jobs. But, and this is a big but, I like big buts and I cannot lie….anyway, I seem to suffer from a one year disorder. I ‘land’ on something (sometimes crash into) a great gig and after about a year it is time to move on. It is usually a pretty clear feeling that it is time to check out and start looking for the next whatever it is I am suppose to do. The last time it happened, as it would happen, was-what I thought-my dream job. Huh?
When I went back to school-at the somewhat advanced age of 30 ish-it took me about a semester to realize that I really wanted to teach art at the college level. I need to add that circumstances (my husbands job and relocation’s) led to my college career taking a scooch longer than expected and I completed my BFA and MFA in my mid-ish 40’s. Hey, better late than never! At that age I was pretty confident that I was mature enough to have achieved that ‘I know my purpose’ age. Yeah. No.
I tried a couple of different things-really good things too-and landed on my dream job. Or so I thought. Oddly enough, after about a year, it was clear that this wasn’t where I was suppose to be. What?? I had worked for years to get where I was and loved-LOVED-what I was doing. So, what was the deal? It’s a long story so I will skip the minutia but I left my job and knew it was the right thing to do. And, I didn’t like it.
This led to a journey of trust and wait. I started doing workshops out of my home studio and well, after about a year we sold our home and my studio. ??? Still trusting and waiting here. Tap, taptap, tap…..tap. Do you ever wonder what gives? Why when you think you have it figured out that everything changes? AND, not to play the age card or anything, I kinda thought by the time I was a mim (grandma for those who don’t know the term) that things would be smooth sailing and I would be baking cookies contentedly in my own kitchen and livin’ the life. Apparently not meant to be. I don’t have my own kitchen and have no idea where my cookie makin’ stuff is-go figure.
Trusting and waiting? Yeah-still hanging in there. Just when I think I may have learned whatever it is I am suppose to learn things change. Ever feel that way? I woke up with this verse today-
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:15
I am trying really hard to hang on to this because I’m just not feelin’ it these days. I
want need to know what’s coming! I like to have a plan. In fact, a plan A, a plan B and a plan C in case the first two don’t work out. So, this waiting and trusting thing? Does it come naturally? Notsomuch.
I would like to say that I have a distinct way to wrap this post up-but I don’t (rolling with the theme here). I am really curious how others cope with the not knowing! What moves you through the waiting without pacing back and forth? (yes, I do this) Or jumping ahead to the next thing without being sure this is the right thing to do? (I do this too). I am taking this ‘living in the and’ thing pretty seriously right about now…but I think it’s a pretty good thing…
Enjoy the AND because that is where the journey is happening-
(still living in limbo-which is still somewhere in Michigan)
P.S. If this is your first time here check out the 31 Days tab to find out more about the challenge and Welcome! I hope you come back 😉 AND, if you want to catch up check out these earlier posts-
Day 1-And So We Begin…
Day 2-Coffee Pot with a View
Day 4-Secrets, Who Me?
Day 5 –Breathing Space for Sunday
Day 6-A Little Pumpkin Sitting
Day 7-…Brevity is sweetness…
Day 9-Bear With Me…
Day 10-A Day for Sowing Seed
Day 12-An Oldy But Goody
Day 13-Off to Autumn
P.S.S. Want to follow along? Hit the subscribe button on the side bar and you’ll be the first to here what’s happening in the &! (I haven’t quite figured out how to do that in a post yet but I’m gettin’ there!
P.S.S.S. If you like this post please share it!!