No, really-I don’t have time. I am outta time. Outta time for all the stuff that takes time away from living. I know this sounds dramatic (it really isn’t) because I don’t have a devastating diagnosis or a cataclysmic experience reminding me how precious life is-what I have is a desire to remember and live my life like I am aware of just how precious every minute is.
I take myself too seriously. Kind of like the line in Devil Wears Prada where Meryl Streep’s character analyzes Anne Hathaway’s character and explains that she dresses in a lumpy sweater to show the world she takes herself too seriously to care about how she dresses (my apologies for inaccuracies). I am (insert clearing throat noise here) a bit older than Anne Hathaway’s character but I have spent a lifetime hiding behind lumpy sweaters because I DO take myself too seriously. I over analyze, over indulge in self psychology, listen for what isn’t being said about everything I do…you know the type of self destructive thoughts that invade and then steal the joy from moments meant to be enjoyed. I think I am finally able to look at myself through a different pair of eyes-older ones with the soft wrinkles that remind me of what is behind but still contain the twinkle of mischief that has gotten me in trouble in the past. And, which-I hope-will continue to get me in trouble for many years to come.
My mantra for the day is Shake it Off! I may be ‘mature’ but I love a great beat with a message and Taylor Swift nailed it with this one. You can find me dancing and shaking my middle aged body all over the kitchen of our temporary rental and playing this loud-super loud (sorry mister you have no more secrets cause the walls are so freakin’ thin…try shaking it off…um, never mind)! This doesn’t mean that I don’t continue to think too much it just means I am trying to be more mindful about what I spend that time thinking about. Intentionally changing the direction of my focus is helping me see more clearly what I should be focusing on:
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
There is a lot of good going on around me-even in the midst of self doubt, world events and the day to day tragedies of life. It is all too easy to become mired down and spend too much time focused on looking down at how stuck in the muck our boots are and forget to look up and see the branch being held out to pull us through to the other side.
So, put it on repeat, turn it up real loud and shake it off-dance around and when your heart is a little lighter remember to look up.