“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.” -Tom Krause
This quote came across my screen this morning and pretty much sums up where I am at right now-and I couldn’t be happier! I have a policy of being open to new opportunities but that doesn’t mean I jump on board. I have a more than healthy dose of fear that keeps me from doing many things I would love to do. In the past I hid this fear behind the guise of practicality and, if I am honest with myself, I didn’t realize this until recently.
Being ‘practical’ is highly valued in the family structure I am a part of-this could also be labeled conservative, as it relates to taking risks. While this might be safe, it has always chafed at me and left me frustrated. So many opportunities have been avoided in the best interest of being practical. I should mention that practical usually involves a great paycheck, benefits, safety, no change, no challenge and, of course, conformity. I have been inwardly rebelling for years but, as I am learning, I have also been acquiescing and developing a less than healthy relationship with fear.
This can be a difficult thing to understand-especially when you believe in supporting the family balance. It is infinitely easier to be afraid to change, seek comfort above challenge, do just enough to get by so you don’t have to exert yourself too much and, in general, doing a half assed job of living. Kind of like making a meal and using every stinking pan in the kitchen and then piling it all in the sink when you are finished and calling it good enough. All that does is leave the mess for someone else to clean up-but I may be drifting off into another arguement here….
What this boils down to is that I have been presented with a great opportunity and am busy having this inward arguement between opportunity and practicality(fear?). Does taking a job for no pay beyond the possibility you see in it make sense? Probably not. Does it sound like a great challenge that could result in something really cool? Um, yes. Could if fail? Um, yes. Does that scare me? Yes. Do I really , really, really want to do it? Yes. Am I going to do it? Yes. Yay.
I am still going to be teaching-which I adore and hope I never have to stop. This will be the icing on the cake. For those of you who know me, I am an artist and I love to work with other artists creating new ideas, new work and new opportunities. So, here’s the gig-I am working with a small gallery in the heart of Grand Rapids to see what we can make happen-you can check it out here-and build support-you can find that info at Start Garden.
I am excited about the possibilities! And yes, I have butterflies but they aren’t going to stop me yet 😀
Here’s to being a little scared and let’s see what happens!