Enough…


I am pretty sure that you have gotten an email from a friend that contains one of those sappy letters which-at the end-requires you to send it on to ten other friends or risk doom, loss of all your body hair or some other catastrophic impact for breaking the chain. Delete. I still have all my hair, have not turned into a pillar of salt or been shunned from the book club (at least not yet). I don’t pass them on (sorry) and rarely read them all the way through.  However, last week-in a moment of intense weakness-I read one.

It was dutifully sappy and pulled all the emotional strings but the prayer at the end has stuck with me. It went like this:

I pray you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I pray you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I pray you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I pray enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I pray you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I pray you enough hellos to get you through the final good-byes.

I will avoid my typical over analytic approach to all things spiritual or theological and suspend any aversion to populist ‘hooks’ and touch on what stuck with me-the enough.  I don’t know about you but prayer-for me-tends to be an all or nothing proposition.  I don’t just pray for work-I pray for a ‘good job’ (translated $$).   I don’t want my friend to feel better, I want complete and total healing and a great new haircut to boot.  I pray for more, bigger, better, best- but enough? What is enough? Can I relate to ‘enough’?  Aren’t we wired to want more? Shouldn’t we want the best?  This simple little chain mail really got me thinking-more than I anticipated.

This time of year I struggle with resolutions.  Everyone around me is resolving to loose weight, get fit, get a better job, be a better person, do more of this less of that, facilitate world peace and learn how to change a tire.  Me? I suffer from performance anxiety on a regular basis and making resolutions is another way to get my knickers in a knot about not living up to them-thus I avoid them-like the plague.  This may be one year that I succumb to a resolution-really!  Enough.  I am going to say it-and I feel those knickers creeping already-I resolve to live enough.  While this may seem like an under achievers kind of resolution, trust me-it isn’t.

Let me clarify here.  I am not willing to settle for mediocrity-that isn’t what this is about.  This is about being open to contentment and acceptance and to being, living, in the moment.  Pain isn’t something to run from. Loss is a reality. Rain can be a blessing.  Why should I spend so much time getting past these as quickly as possible?  In pain-physical or emotional-I tend to draw nearer to God.  Loss does the same and increases my gratitude for what remains. Rain? It may move me indoors but think of the nourishment it provides.  I am an expert at overlooking these things-of focusing too much on what isn’t happening to me, what I am not good enough at and guilty of the intense navel gazing that inhibits my ability to see past the end of my nose. So, with this track record-enough will be a challenge. A big one.

My husband once told me that I am never satisfied.  For some relationships them be fighting words.  For ours he was pointing out something that I have prided myself on-never being satisfied. My next painting will be better.  The next time I do whatever, I will do it better, I will always move forward, I will never settle for less than what will mean achieving a better state of whatever–see the trend here?  This makes it very easy for  knicker knotting and performance anxiety.  Not a great equation for contentment. So enough. I pray that 2012 marks the year when I can see enough in the world around me, the people around me, the circumstances around me. Enough.

I pray this for you as well.  I pray you enough.

May you have a beautiful 2012!

 

 

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