What a difference a day, or a week, or an hour…makes


It is interesting to experience a seismic transition in attitude in the span of a few moments!  Life has been sailing along and I felt that all was as it should be-shows you what I know!  I can’t explain it and whether it is ‘meant to be’, ‘God’s will’ or whatever it is this could be called-I still can’t explain it.  I can’t even resolve it and this is almost more frustrating than not knowing what is going on.

I have frequently written about my job and how fortunate I am to have a job that has such tremendous potential to do good for so many people-something I still believe.  Why is it then that I face a conflict in conviction?  What I know is that it is good and right and true-what I wonder is if it is still what I am suppose to be doing.  Not an easy thing to grapple with.  There is something that I am suppose to learn from this whole experience and I would feel a whole lot better if I had a syllabus that would explain the outcomes of this experiment!

The exponential growth rate I have experienced over the last year has stretched me beyond bounds of my understanding of myself and my capacities and I have welcomed it (especially since it didn’t come with stretch marks!).  What is strange is that I feel-literally feel-that I have reached a wall.  What is equally confounding is that I simply don’t know what comes next. Stay? Go? A combination of both?

I have hours of rumination and prayer ahead of me…and hopefully resolution.

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2 thoughts on “What a difference a day, or a week, or an hour…makes

  1. Jennifer Valentine says:

    Susan, I am keeping you in my thoughts. i know this is so hard…and I can relate to your dilemma. You are loved.
    I frequently ask of God, what he wants from me and my life…am i on the right path….am i where i should be?
    I think God wants us to be happy…whatever and wherever that may be. I’m not sure that God would want us to be in a place in which we sacrifice the most, but in a place that most makes our hearts happy. Because when our heart is at peace, only then can we truly glorify the gifts he has given us.
    God has given you such talents…
    maybe you can have the best of both worlds. Part time studio, and part time at the art center? It never hurts to ask.
    Ask yourself what your biggest fear is, and then ask yourself, what is the absolute worst that can happen? and then ask yourself, can i live with that?
    (that is my method, anyway!)

    • susanmulder says:

      Wise words Jennifer-thank you! Perspective is a good divining tool and questions like yours serve to narrow the scope-it also helps knowing someone as thoughtful as you is my friend! I will keep you posted on how this all comes out in the wash…

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