There’s fog and then there’s fog


I was looking for a term I could use to describe the state I have been in lately.  I was also looking out the window. At the fog. OK, so, it took me a while to make the connection but once I figured it out it made sense. Fog-yup-fog. I have been so busy with my new job (which I love by the way) that my ‘normal’ life has dissipated like fog in the sun.  Anomaly is the new normal around here. Like, if I make my bed-it is an anomaly-which is now normal.  I imagine I will figure this all out at some point but for now this new fog I am surrounded by has forced me to make a few adjustments to my perceptions (aka the way I think things should be).

When I close my eyes I can see my perfect world so clearly-sleek clean lined furniture-crisp freshly painted walls-fresh geometrically folded laundry-a made bed so smooth you could bounce a quarter off of it-very clean carpeting-glittering candles on my unscratched coffee table…complete with a sparkling(very dry) martini waiting on me when I arrive home after a full day at work.  When I open them?? Well-lets just say that my marked down, second hand, slightly fraying everything doesn’t quite match the dream-er, um-fantasy would be a better term. Yeah, well, so what-I am OK with it-or, at least that is what I keep telling myself.  My perceptions of what I think things ‘should’ be and what they are might be a bit skewed but I think it needs to be that way sometimes to keep me grounded.  Keep me humble–and grateful for what I do have.  My scratch and dents are trace elements of the life that is being lived in my less than sparkling reality and I think that is pretty darn cool. And, I am pretty sure I got off on a tangent with this one…uh, back to the fog.

Fog muddles things-softens the edges and even sometimes obliterates what it is I am trying to see.  In my head, I see-clearly I might add, what the big empty building I am working in should look like but when I open my office door and see the empty rooms or hear the echo’s bouncing off the walls (seriously, if my stomach growls the echo is something akin to the roar of a lion) I feel the fog of fear draw close around me.  There is so much work to be done and in such a short amount of time-and then there is the issue of funds–oh geeze-if I think too hard about this the fog becomes oppressive.

Here is where it might help to let you in on what I am doing-just to give you an idea of the scope and scale of this project.  CultureWorks is my new home.  Actually, the full name is CultureWorks Institute for Creative Arts (you can follow us on twitter @cultureworksica) and it is a non-profit, faith based arts organization that will provide quality, innovative arts education in an inclusive and accessible environment. Inhale…continue…we believe in the transformative nature of the arts, that the arts should be available to anyone and our goal is to facilitate community transformation through creativity. Right now it is a big empty building-and did I mention we are opening our doors to students on April 4? So, if you don’t mind, I am going to close my eyes and see it for what it can be-a fully functional arts facility with a ceramics studio, a digital studio, a dance studio, a fine arts studio and lots and lots of kids (and adults) taking classes, learning and growing, being creative, building confidence…and I could go on and on.

There is a lot of work to be done! At CW and at my house (vacuuming, laundry, dusting and I am taking volunteers).  I do have a favor for my friends out there–would you mind praying for sunshine?  Pray for the kind of sunshine with the strength to dissipate the fog that clouds the vision! You can pray too that we find the equipment, materials and funds we need to help CultureWorks become the best of what, I believe, it can be!  Unlike opening my eyes and seeing my ‘slightly fraying everything’ at home-I hope to open my eyes at CultureWorks someday to see it exactly as I imagined..

Happy Saturday my friends!  I miss hanging out online with everyone!!

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10 thoughts on “There’s fog and then there’s fog

  1. Judi says:

    Release the sunshine on those foggy spots Lord. Turn possibilities into wonders! Looking forward to great things here!

  2. Cathi Isza says:

    Susan, it will happen, promise. People are hungry for a cultural life change and if you build it they will come. Btw, prayers already said.

  3. barbaramelnikcarson says:

    I’ll pray for the sunshine to come beaming in for you. It makes me think of an Anne Lamott quote; “Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”

    This sounds like a wonderful program and I’m sure you’ll find your way through the fog. My last “regular” paid job was as director of an arts studio/gallery that provided support for people recovery from mental illness to participate in art classes and exhibits in an integrated setting. If funding wasn’t an issue, I’d probably still be there.

    • susanmulder says:

      Thanks Barb! What a great quote-may have to pin that one on my wall! Funding is the fly in the jam isn’t it!! I know it is out there and I certainly have a healthy dose of “stubborn hope” that it will be there when we need it!

      It was nice seeing you the other day-wish we could have all visited over a glass of wine-another time maybe??

  4. Amelia Critchlow says:

    I go with many of these sentiments too. I call the stuff in my place artistic because a) I like it and b) there aint gonna be no new unscratched coffee tables around my place anytime soon!

    Here’s praying for sunshine to lift the fog!

    Hope you are well.

    Amelia.x

  5. LAURIE J JACOBSEN says:

    I totally get the fog – i call it autopilot, which is how i’ve lived most of the last 6-7 months…May the sun come out to meet you and may your new endeavor be as blessed as you are my friend!!!

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