A little wedding holiday humor…


OK, I have tried three times to get spacing between the stanzas and can’t seem to make it happen ( I blame that and the poem on my cold medicine..)

Twas the night fore the wedding

the house was a mess,

the caterer was missing,

I hadn’t altered my dress.

My stockings were dangling

from the railing without care,

I was wearing my slip

and had curlers in my hair.

The bride and the bridesmaids were sharing some tea,

while the groom and the best man went out to par-ty

I was worried that this would not turn out well,

when from below I heard someone say “aw hell”

From down in the kitchen I heard a crash and a splatter,

and I jumped from my desk to see what was the matter.

Down the stairs I did rumble-

To the kitchen did flail…

The light from the refrigerator cast a glow from the door,

Illuming the puddle of milk on the floor.

When what to my watering eyes should appear-

but one wobbly usher and in each hand…a beer.

With his arms filling quickly, I knew in a wink

the wedding party had already started to drink.

So rapid he grabbed them, these bottles and cans,

that he looked like an octopus with multiple hands.

“Come Shlitz lite, Come Miller, now Coors and now Bud

OOH–Guinness and pilsners”  and then came the thud…

As I watched in slow motion, the can fall on its way

It hit with a crack and proceeded to spray!

So down to the front door he rushed with hurry

With his arms full of beer, and me-close behind- in a fury.

And then in the driveway I heard a car door,

then footsteps and the stomping of boots on the floor.

As I tried to look for a quick place to hide…

It was too late-I knew I’d been spied.

His eyes how the glowered, his brow it was furrowed,

He mumbled under his breath how much money we’d borrowed.

The bride stumbled in, kissed her dad on the cheek

And he smiled, just a little-the first time in a week.

Turning to me he said through clenched teeth

“I won’t have enough left to buy a small wreath!”

He had a tired face and a big hungry belly

(He’d worked hard all day and was a little bit smelly).

He spoke not  a word and went straight for (what was left of) the beer

Then said with a growl ‘ get me another my dear’,

And grumbling coarsely about the expense;

The limo, the caterer-just didn’t make sense.

I sighed with exhaustion,  plopped my ass in a chair

As another attendant asked what to do with their hair.

I exclaimed I don’t care what you do-just get out of my sight.

Happy wedding to all and to all (WHERE’S MY MERLOT?!) and to all a good night.

(my sincerest apologies to C. C. Moore)

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4 thoughts on “A little wedding holiday humor…

  1. Cathi Isza says:

    Susan, you always have such a great outlook on life. Might I please sign up somewhere for lessons?? This was so funny and I appreciate you so so much!

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